shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
