I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
