Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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