btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
