She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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