I faked an abortion last night.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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