first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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