That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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