ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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