she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
