that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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