Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
