Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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