Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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