I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
All I want is dick and wine.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
