We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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