Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
