You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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