WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
