Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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