yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
