last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I could make wine with my vomit
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize