My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize