Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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