when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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