piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
