I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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