I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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