Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
