dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
