If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
