Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
