I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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