was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
