My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Can I color on your dick again?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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