Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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