in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
All I want is dick and wine.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
