That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Be still, my beating vagina.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
