I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
