My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
