Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
did you just send me my own nude
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
