Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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