Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
