She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
