we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
