the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
she told me i tasted like america
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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