I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
