you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
