HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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