at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
