So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
i've created a new STD.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
