I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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