The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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