how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
