: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
