you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
