I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize