I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
