No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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