I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
