i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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