i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
