i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
