I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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