my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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