So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
