this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
