i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i drank out of a bidet.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
