You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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