Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
How does it feel to date your dad?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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