im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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