Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
