Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
