What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
