I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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