my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Found your dick twin last night
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
