You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
